did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
