i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
