I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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