how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
