Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
