Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
