wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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