i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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