Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
