Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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