the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
