My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
