He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
