don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
