Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
