so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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