how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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