is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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