i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
