I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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