my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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