I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
