we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
