i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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