You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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