Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
