I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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