i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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