thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Quick, to the slutcave!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
