i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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