She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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