All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
