I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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