The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
