Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
