did you get engaged???
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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