I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
