well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
