My liver just broke up with me...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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