Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You made out with two different species that night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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