Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
