I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you had me at cake vodka
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
