You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
