YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
