so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize