I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
