I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
