I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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