Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
