it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
