Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my shit smells like andre
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then he tried to convert me to islam
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
