in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
