So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least life still wants to fuck me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
