FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
