): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
