Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
