forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
