Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
