So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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