Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
