so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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