I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
