It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
