Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
