I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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