when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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