Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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