you guys were way drunker than both of me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
