It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
