Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
