I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
