I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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