I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Never joke about your clitoris.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
