Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
