When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
