Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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