But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
