I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
