One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
