I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize