Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
