dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
