Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
