Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think a kid would responsible me up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
